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A Memory of Murder

I have a persistent memory of being murdered. I was born in San Francisco in 1963, and have lived in many different parts of the world, but have always felt an attraction to the coast of Northern California, and now live within driving distance of it. During days off, I enjoy traveling along Highway 1 and visiting the many secluded beaches. At one of them-near the town of Eureka-I was struck by a memory of something terrible happening.

In my mind's eye, I had a vision of being a young woman of about 19 or 20, driving along Highway 1 in an off-white convertible, possibly an MG or an MGA. The driver was a man with brown eyes and short brown hair that was slightly curly. He laughed a lot but seemed preoccupied by something.

We (I'm speaking as the woman now) stopped at a sheltered cove and walked along the short beach toward some rocks. I think we took our shoes off. As we climbed on the rocks, I turned away from him to look out over the water, and he struck me on the back of my head with a rock. Then he strangled me. I must have left my body, because I can see him even now stuffing my corpse into a crevasse and covering it with a large rock, like a makeshift cairn. He threw the bloody rock into the sea.

As I contemplated this strange vision, I was struck by the thought that he-whoever he was-had gotten away with this crime, and that he was still living in San Francisco. I have looked at vehicles like the one in my vision, which leads me to believe that the incident occurred sometime around 1960. What's also interesting is that I have always been fascinated by the idea of missing persons. Now I have to wonder if I was one.

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Posted March 26, 2010